watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
