1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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