and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
