Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
