Kareoke will never be a sober sport
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
