Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
