i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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