I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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