So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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