no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
