First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
