He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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