I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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