Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
