Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
