I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
