I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Can you bring me the toilet please
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
