i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
