dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
