please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize