Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
