Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
