Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
