you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
