she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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