I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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