Betty ford says i'm here all night
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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