Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
