Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
