I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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