Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
