I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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