i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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