Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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