My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
