I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
