No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
