he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
