I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize