jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
