her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
