That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
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