My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
