Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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