His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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