If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
