Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I have tasted many bathrooms
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
