upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
