Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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