he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
