return my video game
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
