don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
