I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
BRING THE BAGELS
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
