My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
