We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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