Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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