Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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