I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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