it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
stop calling my apartment porn island.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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