does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
