i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Someone came in the potted fern
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
