Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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